


Thing 4: Need

by Alethia



Series: Come to Pass [4]
Category: CSI: Miami
Genre: Episode Related, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-07-18
Updated: 2005-07-18
Packaged: 2018-01-14 12:51:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1267243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alethia/pseuds/Alethia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I don’t want you near me. I won’t destroy you, too.” </p>
<p>Calleigh—probably just needed time to cool off. Yeah, that was it. It was still too close to what happened. Hagen’s body probably wasn’t even cold yet and Calleigh wasn’t thinking clearly. Obviously.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thing 4: Need

**Author's Note:**

> This will make no sense if you haven’t seen 3.24 “10-7.” Originally posted on LJ [here](http://alethialia.livejournal.com/144280.html).

“You should stay away from me,” she said and Eric was seriously worried now. There was a wildness to her eyes that he’d never seen before, not when she was always so _calm_ about everything.

“Calleigh, what’s—”

“No, Eric, you should stay away. I’m not good for people.”

“What are you talking about?” he tried again, furrowing his brow, bending down and trying to get her to look him in the eyes. Which she was valiantly avoiding doing.

“I’m not good for people, Eric. My father, mother, Hagen. You shouldn’t be sucked in, too.”

Not. Good.

“Calleigh—” he started again.

“No!” she barked, finally looking up at him, even the air around her seeming distressed. “I don’t want you near me. I won’t destroy you, too.” She looked away, as if too hurt by the truth she found in that, and Eric was about to speak—

And then she cut him off. “I mean it, Eric. Leave.” And okay, that was the no-nonsense, do-what-I-say-or-else voice.

Calleigh—probably just needed time to cool off. Yeah, that was it. It was still too close to what happened. Hagen’s body probably wasn’t even cold yet and Calleigh wasn’t thinking clearly. Obviously.

Everything would be fine.

***

Everything was not fine.

Calleigh was _avoiding_ him. It wasn’t so much subtle or underhanded as completely, utterly blatant and people had been coming up to him asking what he’d done.

And he didn’t—he hadn’t _done_ anything. Calleigh had just come in to work the next morning—no longer with ballistics—and proceeded to totally ignore his existence upon this earth.

She went the other way when they met in the halls, she _never_ made eye contact, she _left_ the breakroom table when he sat down, going to talk to _Ryan_ of all people…

If she was looking for a way to hurt him, well, that was a pretty good shot, actually.

And it couldn’t possibly be that ridiculous idea that she was some sort of bad luck to the people she loved in her life. That was ridiculous and irrational and Calleigh was neither. Hell, she was the most coldly rational person he knew. She didn’t engage in paranoid fantasies like that.

But there really wasn’t anything else to explain it. And what had she said? Her parents…and Hagen. All people she’d cared deeply for, at some point, even if it hurt to think that about Hagen.

So she was comparing him to the relationships with them and…

Whoa. That was a bold statement of feeling—or as much of one as he was likely to get out of her. What, she was trying to protect him? Because he _was_ important to her?

Trust Calleigh to finally tell a guy that when she was pushing him away.

***

“What, so you’re not speaking to me?” 

Working on a case, it was harder to avoid someone. H had noticed and had privately talked to Eric about it, but neither of them had been able to come to a logical reason for her behavior. He’d agreed to put them together—after much insistence on Eric’s part—so that they could work something out.

Privately, Eric thought H just wanted to see if his team could still work together. If not then the personal was definitely interfering with the professional and he’d have to intervene. That would actually be nice; Calleigh couldn’t ignore her boss.

But no. She had to go be all cold and professional, working in perfect harmony with him while giving him nothing. Really, if he wasn’t the recipient of the cold treatment he’d be impressed.

As it was he was pretty close to _throwing something at her_ , just to get a reaction.

And she was still ignoring him. “How long do you think you can keep this up? We’re working the same case,” he said hotly, annoyed, irritated, any number of not-fun emotions. Eric was not having fun. He was the epitome of unfun and it was all because of this maddening, frustrating mini-blonde.

“Calleigh,” he said, insistent. She didn’t even bat an eye, still looking over the crime scene like it was a matter of national security.

Dammit.

***

Anger hadn’t worked. Obviously he had to try another tactic.

He left her flowers. He found them in the trash.

He left her chocolate. It showed up in the breakroom.

He left her tickets to her favorite play. He found money totaling the exact price of the tickets in one of his drawers the next day.

And all through it, nothing. Not a word passed from her to him. The reports he needed were on his desk before work and the reports he tried to give her were resolutely ignored, Eric holding folders suspended in the air like an idiot, until he set them down in front of her.

The frustrating thing was they could still work together. They just didn’t _talk_. It was boring. He _missed_ Calleigh, even in her bitchy, cold, scolding form.

His life sucked.

***

Eric didn’t even see her at Hagen’s funeral. It was a somber, closed-casket affair, only attended by those who’d really cared. Hagen hadn’t had a lot of friends and suicide was not a celebrated way for a detective to die.

So it was really something that Calleigh wasn’t there. He knew she didn’t like to linger on death, but Calleigh was all about respect and tradition and propriety. And Eric was pretty sure those involved going to your dead ex-boyfriend’s funeral, especially when you witnessed his untimely demise.

She still wasn’t there. It was what finally made him think something was wrong.

Thus it was no surprise when he found himself at her place afterwards. Glutton for punishment, that was him.

He hadn’t tried to come over here since she’d started acting so out of it. All the ignored forms of communication made it pretty clear he wouldn’t be welcomed and the idea of being rejected from a place he usually saw as a haven…he couldn’t really deal with that.

But he needed to make sure she was okay. And maybe—maybe Hagen’s funeral today had shaken something loose.

He knocked. Nothing. He knocked some more. Still nothing.

It was dark and her lights were out so either she was _psychic_ and knew he’d be coming over or she wasn’t home.

What, out on the town the night of her ex’s funeral? Didn’t seem like her. But then again, so little did these days.

***

Anger had gone to frustration had gone to some serious worry.

He didn’t like his life without Calleigh in it. She was what made some days bearable and she lightened others, even when nothing heavy was going on. She was fun and bright and he _counted_ on her.

His brain screeched to a halt when he first saw her laughing at something Ryan had said. She used to laugh like that with him. She used to _talk_ to him.

What, _Ryan_ was her buddy now?

Eric clenched his jaw. She knew exactly how he felt about the new guy and so this couldn’t be anything less than a slap to the face. He didn’t know Calleigh could be that cold but then again, he’d never been on the receiving end of it. Not really.

So what was that, a message? ‘I’ve moved on.’ ‘You’re no longer important to me.’

‘I’ll do what I like and I don’t give a damn about you.’

Only problem with that was that it said more than she knew. You don’t get all friendly with the guy Eric doesn’t like. As a symbol it meant something. It was _personal_. You can’t symbolically go for the jugular and pretend it’s nothing. 

It defeated the whole purpose because it proved that Eric was still important to her, in some way.

Oddly enough, Ryan actually made him feel better about all this. Talk about a reversal. But it put the first smile on his face he’d worn in days. The lab techs would be all aflutter.

They deserved to stew in the uncertainty, the nosy gossips.

***

So technically he was breaking all their friendship rules, but there didn’t seem to be much of a friendship anymore and besides, she deserved it with the way she’d been treating him.

Yep. That was his story and he was sticking to it.

Eric quietly let himself into her apartment, using the spare key she’d given him “in case of emergency” and that he’d _never_ once used.

First time for everything.

“I can’t believe you did that.” Her voice was low and cold and backed up by more furious disbelief than he’d heard from her…ever, probably.

“I can’t believe you didn’t. Since I’m apparently _awful_ enough to avoid for two weeks, then I must be awful enough to break your trust,” he retorted hotly, yanking the key out of the lock and shutting the door behind him.

It occurred that those were the first words she’d spoken to him in some time. Man was he ever pathetic. Just hearing her voice actually made him feel better.

“I told you I didn’t want you around anymore.”

“The night your ex killed himself. I was on pretty firm ground in ignoring anything you said.”

“I meant it.”

“I don’t care. I want to know what’s going on with you, Calleigh. You stop speaking to me, you quit ballistics, you’re Ryan’s new best friend, and you don’t show up to Hagen’s funeral. What the hell?”

“I’m reevaluating my priorities.”

“What priorities? You’ve given them all up.”

“You don’t know everything about me, Eric.” And whoa, she was pissed.

“I know your ex-boyfriend shot himself in front of you and you blame yourself. I know your father drinks and promises he won’t, and you blame yourself. Because if you were a better daughter and a better friend everyone else's problems would go away. Right?”

She looked away—pained—and it gave him the opening he needed to go over and pull her against him.

Eric could feel the low-level tremors, the tension that thrummed through her. God, she was gonna kill herself over this…

She didn’t immediately react to his presence, but when she did—Eric had to hold tight, hope he wasn’t bruising her, just waited until she stopped struggling and finally slumped against him.

He waited, not that he much knew what he was waiting _for_.

“You are good for me,” he said when he judged that enough time had passed for him to speak. “You are. You make me a better man.”

Calleigh stifled a sob against his shoulder and he closed his eyes, hand going to the back of her head and just holding her, light and easy and what he hoped she needed. Because he really had no clue.

“You push me and complement me and challenge me when I’m being an idiot. You’re not dangerous, Calleigh.” Well, at least not in the way she meant. There were other ways—but yeah, not going there.

Her breathing was still shaky, but she seemed to be calming down, tension draining away, accepting his hold.

“Didn’t help, did it?” he asked lowly into her hair, “Pushing me away just hurt you more. And me. Let’s just call it a failed experiment, okay?” Eric knew he was pushing with that one, but...he was allowed to push. He _deserved_ to push at this point.

She laughed at that, once, still pulling herself together. “There’s no such thing as a failed experiment. You always learn something.”

“Exactly.”

***

Fin. Feedback is adored.


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